Boston

Deah Hasbro: 15 house rules to make Monopoly more ‘Bostonian’

Earlier this week, archaic game-maker Hasbro reached out to its Facebook fans for help re-invigorating their flagship board game Monopoly. The company asked folks to submit and vote on their favorite house rules to be included in a future iteration of the classically capitalist game.

As you might imagine for a dusty corporate strategy game like Monopoly, the suggestions were pretty run-of-the-mill: players who land directly on Go collect $400 instead of $200, bankers who miscount the bank are levied fines, and anyone who rolls snake eyes gets a cash bonus. Yawn.

Since Boston is the center of the known universe, our staff came together to make a list of our own Hub-specific suggestions for the game. These 15 items may be a little less traditional than your standard Monopoly house rules, but they add that distinct “I’m from Boston, fuck you” edge that the game so sorely lacks.

1. If you land on Free Parking, you’re allowed to put down a lawn chair, and no other players may land on this space for the next two (or ten, whatever) turns
2. Every time you land on New York Avenue, you must start a “Yankees Suck” chant, or you lose a turn
3. If the Red Sox win the World Series during your turn, you may select another player’s hotel and loot all the valuables inside it
4. Every time you build a hotel, you lose a turn because of anti-gentrification protests from Allston crustpunks
5. A 65% state tax is applied to all inheritance awarded from Community Chest
6. Any player sent to jail may choose instead to become an informant and defer sentencing for 16 years
7. Every time you land on Waterworks, someone must play “Dirty Water,” and all players must begrudgingly sing along
8. If you land on Vermont Avenue, you must leave the game and come back four years later in a ratty Patagonia fleece with a new appreciation for heady microbrews and Phish and the idea that ultimate Frisbee is the meaning of life
9. When you pass Go, collect $200; if you have an E-ZPass, collect $250
10. Players who own a railroad must ignore 30 Twitter complaints per turn
11. If you select the car piece, you’re allowed to move 1-2 more spaces than the number you roll so long as you give the finger to all the opposing players
12. When you draw Pay School Fees from Community Chest, you take on a staggering, debilitating amount of debt for the rest of the game, but at least you get a BA in anthropology
13. Broadway is re-named “Fort Point,” and any player that purchases the deed must listen to the other players talk about how innovative their startups are
14. The bank is re-named Fenway Park, and, once per game, the Banker must thwart a robbery attempt made by Ben Affleck and Jeremy Renner
15. Every time you win a beauty contest, collect an extra $500 and a Mark Wahlberg-produced reality TV show

Posted to BDCWire, Boston